Four thrusts later, with my balls against her ass and my cock as deep as I can go, I come, and with her eyes locked to mine, I realize that I was a fool to think I could have ever lived without this.
“WHAT HAPPENS NOW, COHEN?” SHE whispers into the darkness surrounding us.
She has one leg hooked over my hips with her thigh resting against my spent cock, the other lying against the bed. Her chest is pressed against my own, and her forehead resting against my neck. The hand she was using to draw circles on my chest for the last twenty minutes stills with her question, and I use the arm I was holding her close with to tighten my grip.
I knew she was working things out in her head, so I let her take her time and waited for the questions I knew would come. I have a few of my own that hit me like a burst of clarity while I stared into her eyes and felt her body take every inch of me. Things I thought I would be able to wait for when it came to her. Things I have no fucking clue how I’ll be able to turn my back on and leave in the morning.
I have an inner battle warring inside me now. One side knows with no doubt that she is meant to be right here—naked in my arms with her heart beating against my skin. Then there is the other side. The logical side. The one that’s afraid to take it past tonight, knowing how many other lives it will affect. It’s not just the Cohen and Dani show. It’s our families, siblings and everyone else in the tight circle.
Battle or not, the side that will win all depends on the woman in my arms.
“Let me see your eyes, Dani-girl.” I dip my chin and wait for her to move her eyes to mine.
Her face is void of emotion, but her eyes aren’t hiding a thing from me.
“Tell me, honestly, what you want to happen now.”
“Honestly?” she questions.
“One hundred percent. One thing you need to understand about this from here on out is that, if you plan on telling me what I think—and hope—you are, then honesty is the most important thing. I can’t go into this without knowing what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours.”
She’s silent for a beat; all the while, her eyes never stop their hopeful begging.
“I never want to let you go,” she sighs, and I offer her a sad smile because we both know, come morning, she’s going to have to. “I don’t want you to leave, but I’ll support you any and every way I can. I want to be able to be yours even when you aren’t here but know that, when you come back, you’re coming back to me. I want you to be able to go with the confidence that I’ll be waiting for you if . . . if that’s what you want, of course.”
God, she couldn’t be more perfect.
“Anything else?” I probe, moving one hand up to run my fingers down her cheek.
“I don’t think we have enough time to get into everything that I want from you, Cohen. Let’s just put it this way. I want you. I want you and everything that comes with it.”
“Dani,” I sigh. “I leave tomorrow, baby. I leave tomorrow and I can’t even give you an estimate on when I’ll be home. It wouldn’t be fair for me to make you mine and demand that kind of commitment when I can’t even be here for you. I won’t even be able to contact you, Dani . . . How is that going to work? How is that fair to you? I don’t want you to have to sacrifice for me—for us.”
“When it comes to love, it’s always worth the sacrifice. Always. One thing my parents taught me was that when you find the reason for your heart to beat, you don’t ever let it go, and if, for some reason beyond your control, you have to, you fight with every breath in your body to have it back. You are worth that to me. You aren’t asking me to give anything up, Cohen. I’ve loved you my whole damn life . . . What’s a few more months of waiting if I know you’re coming back to me?”
Each time she tells me that she loves me, it’s on the tip of my tongue to return the words to her. I feel them, but I damn sure don’t want her to think that I’m just saying them to parrot them back to her. Knowing Dani and the reservations she already has about my feelings towards her and with us, she would probably think that way too.
“What about our families?” I muse out loud. It needs to be addressed. I don’t want it to become a big elephant in the room. Or, God forbid, her to want to hide this thing between us. First of all, with as often as everyone is together, it would be next to impossible. And I want to be able to show her off as my girl. Show her off and let the world know she is mine. I can’t do that if she is worried about what will happen when we go public.